Each month, Sparkology.com asks a curated panel of the nation’s top dating experts for their advice on a single hot topic as requested by our members.
THIS MONTH: “Should you friend someone on Facebook before the first date?” – Jodie S.
Our experts overwhelmingly agree that friending someone on Facebook before your first date is a big No No! It creates awkwardness, removes the mystique of exposing information at a natural pace, and exposes old photos you don’t care to share. We know it’s hard to resist, but save Facebook for friends… not new relationships!
Here’s what our experts say:
Maria Avgitidis – No.
My number one rule to my members who come for matchmaking is, “No Facebooking before a first date!” Someone you barely know does not need to know what you looked like 4 years ago, let alone what all of your interests are in regards to entertainment and hobbies – save that information for the first date! Plus, you’ve both probably still got photos of your ex you’ve forgotten to “untag” or delete. Why bother bringing in the drama of insecurity so soon into a relationship? In fact, if you do begin dating, don’t friend them. Ever.
Owner of Agape Match, a matchmaking firm based in NYC, which caters to New Yorkers and Greek- American singles. http://www.agapematch.com/
Donna Barnes – No.
No, you should not friend a date on Facebook until you have decided to be exclusive with each other or at least had several good dates. Facebook offers “too much information” and can turn someone off unnecessarily and/or provoke insecure behavior. A new relationship should progress with appropriate boundaries, which means revealing personal information a little at a time. And it should come from you not the internet. Before becoming exclusive you should be practicing a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy…so don’t allow Facebook to do the telling for you…it usually only gets you in trouble or creates anxiety.
Life & Dating Coach http://www.donnabarnes.com
April Beyer – No.
No, you should never friend request someone on Facebook prior to a first date! You are putting the person you’re about to meet in a very awkward position. It also makes you look too eager and has the feeling of “snooping”. Besides, you have no idea yet if you WANT this person to be a friend. Take the time to get to know someone while on your dates. Allow yourself to be surprised- like in the good old days before Facebook!
Matchmaker and Dating & Relationship Coach for Women.http://www.aprilbeyer.com/
Laurie Davis – No.
While connecting on Facebook may seem like a way to get more information about your date, you’ll end up drawing (potentially unfair) conclusions about them before you even meet. If you met on a dating site, Facebook is a digital barrier to entry. Asking them on a date is much more important than asking them to be a Facebook friend. If things go well, you can friend them after.
Online Dating Coach and founder of http://www.eflirtexpert.com
Erika Ettin – No.
NO!
I can’t say this strongly enough. Unless you’re already friends, do not friend your date on Facebook after the first time out together… and certainly not before you even meet. The last thing you want is to see all of his pictures with other women or her pictures with other men. No good can come of this. Plus, there’s something to be said for leaving some mystery. And if the date doesn’t go well, do you want him/her knowing all your business? I think not.
Online dating coach and founder of www.alittlenudge.com
Ceil Hansen – No.
Is it really necessary to find out everything about a person before you go out on a date with him? In the early stages of dating, you might want to restrict social media or Facebook access from people you are seeing on a potentially romantic level, at least until you’ve gotten to the point where you feel emotionally and physically safe enough to reveal a bigger slice of your life with someone new.
Playing it “Safe” right now has more Friends than being “Sorry” later on.
Dating and Relationship Coach and founder of www.SealTheDate.com, which shows singles and couples how to bring the Zing!
Suzanne K. Oshima – No.
It isn’t a good idea to friend someone on Facebook before you go out on a date with them. If you friend someone on Facebook before you go out on a date, the natural reaction each of you will have is to find out more about them by snooping through their timeline and photos. Based on what you see, you will form either a positive or negative first impression about that person before you even meet, which could kill the vibe of the date before you even go out.
Your first date should be about getting to know each other without any preconceived notions. And your first impression of a person is going to be better by meeting them in person, not by the person you think s/he is on Facebook.
Once you have been dating him/her for a period of time, then go ahead and friend them on Facebook, as you will already know who s/he is offline.
Matchmaker & Dating Coach Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette. www.dreambachelor.com
Julie Spira – No.
Not just yet. The urge to take a digital peek at your date’s Facbeook, Linkedin page or do a Google search just can’t be resisted. There’s too much information available at our fingertips and we can’t control our curiosity. I say, hold off on the Facebook friend request until you know that you’re on the same digital page. Although your request may be in the spirit of being social media friendly and you’re super-excited about your date, it’s a boundary issue that singles may not agree on. Some singles find it creepy and on the border of cyber stalking. Since you may jump to the conclusion that they’re out with another romantic interest when a photo shows your date’s arms around his cousin, it’s not worth making you or your date feel uncomfortable before you have the chance to meet in-real-life.
Online dating and relationship expert and bestselling author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating,” CyberDatingExpert.com
Neely Steinberg – No.
Let’s address this question by using an analogy everyone can appreciate. Internet sleuthing is like masturbation: Everyone does it (thanks, Janet Reno!), but we don’t want to be caught doing it. You can Google someone but they won’t know. Facebook friending someone prematurely, however, can send the wrong message. The recipient of the friend request may think you’re overly eager, unconfident, intrusive,or even creepy.
What are you really trying to accomplish by doing this, anyway? What do you need to find out about your date that can’t wait until you meet in person? Employers don’t hire people based solely on their perfectly polished resumes; there needs to be face-to-face chemistry for an offer to be made. Translate that to dating: Looking through someone’s facebook profile won’t tell you anything about that in-person chemistry. Moreover, doing so may even unnecessarily create misperceptions abouteach other before the date has even happened. Bottom line: You’re worth getting to know in person.
Neely Steinberg, dating and relationship columnist;www.neelysteinberg.com
David Wygant – No.
No and a big no,
You have no right to dive into some ones personal life at all,
Mystery is what makes dating fun plus if you facebook them then assumptions can be made that are not true,
Make them earn facebook!!
Dating Coach & Founder of www.davidwygant.com
Do you have a hot dating or sex related question for our panel? Leave a comment below or send to experts@sparkology.com.